This is a hard post for me to write, but I am hoping that as usual I will get some great advice from you and writing things down will help me.
As you are probably aware by now, I suffered from an ED. I was bulimic. I also had periods of anorexic behavior and bingeing.
Warning, if like me you are suffering or have suffered from an ED this post might be triggering.
I have written before on this blog about finally reaching a point in my life where I am happy with my weight and my body. It’s not “perfect” (whatever that might be) but it’s “perfect” for me since I workout regularly and eat healthy most of the time. I have been the same weight (give or take 5 /6 lbs) for the last 6 years!
But, lately life has been busy and stressful. A new job has meant new hours and some out-of-town week-long trips.
This has meant that it was harder for me to fit in my workouts and eat healthy. It has also put some pressure on my relationship and upped my stress levels.
The result? I have put weight. I am 5lbs over my normal winter weight!
I don’t weigh myself regularly. But I used to check every couple of weeks just to make sure. However in the last 3 months (or maybe even since Christmas) I have been avoiding the scales.
I have also ignored my other half when he told me I had put on a bit of weight.
So yesterday when I found that my pants were tighter, I finally decided to listen to my body. I have been feeling sluggish lately, and I feel “fat”. As in “bigger than usual”, like me on PMS.
When I went to the supermarket and saw a scale on sales, I knew it was a sign. I had to face the fact that I was not at my usual weight. Now for someone with a history of ED, it’s hard. I’m always so conscious that it does not take much to send me spiraling backwards.
So instead of focusing on how “fat” I am now, I’m focusing on what happened.
- I got complacent: I’ve been the same weight for years, with the exception of a few periods like this one. So I trusted my body to stay the same even though I wasn’t paying as much attentions as usual
- I didn’t workout as much. and working out not only helps maintain a certain figure, it also helps regulate my appetite.
- I indulged. When the Scotsman made some meat pies and curries, I ate. When he had some chocolates, I shared with him. And while his waistline expended, so did mine.
- I ate my emotions. There is no avoiding this. I am fond of listening to my body. If I feel blue and a piece of chocolate (rather than a run, a call to a friend or any other coping mechanism) will help, I indulge. The key for me is to recognize when I feel better and stop before I overindulged. Because I have been stressed, and away from home, I know I have over indulged.
- I have been lazy. Lately I have not cooked as many meals as usual and I have taken some shortcuts. I don’t really like fast food, so nothing like that. But I have not been having balanced meals most of the time. I’ve been eating he-radically too often.
I hate that Spring is the season when a ton of diets come out. When people start dieting in the hope of looking like a different person come summer. It was always triggering for me.
So I refuse to go on a diet. To me, they are harmful.
I am going to readjust my lifestyle.
- I’ll make sure I start having fruits and veggies at every meal.
- I will ban chocolate from my goodies cupboard at work. Instead I will bring some healthy homemade snacks.
- I will get back into a rhythm with my workouts.
- I won’t let work stress eat at me. I’m new in my position and all the added responsibility I am given. It’s normal for me to take some time to learn all the ropes. And I am enjoying it! So that’s what matters.
- I will weight myself once or twice a week maximum.
- I hope to lose 5lbs by the end of May and another 5lbs by then end of June so I am at my normal “summer weight”
- I will not forget to celebrate my other achievement and won’t let the weight I gained define me.
Posting pictures of myself helped me see the gain. I can see it in those jeans and my cheeks look bigger on the picture below…
Do you have any tips for me?
And since my knee is still sore, what workouts do you recommend?
Do you monitor your weight? If so how? If not, why?